Rule 7. The only rule is work. If you work, it will lead to something It's the people who do all of the work all the time who eventually catch on to things. -John Cage
It’s been a long time since I posted. Why write blog posts? Why not.
I always feel guilty about not writing blog posts. No one reads it.
I should follow my own rules. Who am I doing this for? I’m doing it for me.
So if or when the time comes that I will need to write something important and meaningful to others. I would have already had the practice by writing for myself.
3 things.
I am a substitute teacher. I drive for a ride-share company. I still want to do art.
I left my elementary teaching position from last year. The job was so stressful and overwhelming. I can’t see how anyone can do that job. There are just so many responsibilities. I appreciate every job in a school because of my experience. The job is impossible to do perfectly. I can go on and on. Fast-forward to now. I decided to substitute teach to see if there’s some other aspect of education that I want to explore. Started in October. I should give updates of my experiences.
A gift during recess
I substitute in my old school district. Sometimes I see former students in 5th or 4th grade. When I subbed for my old school. A former student hugged me. A student that gave me a some trouble here and there. He gave me a gift (pictured above) while I was hanging around during recess. I’m not sure if he liked me as a teacher or not. Nonetheless, I appreciate it and I keep it on my shelf of student gifts.
I drive for Lyft. Truthfully, I always wanted to drive a cab. Just to try it out. In my mind, through media and pop-culture, the cab driver is very knowledgeable with city streets, traffic, establishments in their respective city. Think Jamie Foxx’s character in Collateral. The first month was fine and pretty fun. I’m in my third month. The honeymoon phase has worn off. It really is a grind. It is work. I do enjoy the stories. I will share some next time. (I like to practice my Spanish when I get fares that are hispanohablantes.)
A good friend keeps asking, “Is it worth it !? “
I still want to do art. I don’t really know how to start. I don’t know if I go on a path. Will it lead to something? I’m I wasting my time? I have a lot of insecurities.
Sharing your art is the price for making it. Exposing your vulnerability is the fee.- Rick Rubin
Despite that I am bedridden and non-ambulatory, I am in good spirits. Why? I have my whole life ahead of me. I WILL get better and I WILL get stronger. With age comes experience and wisdom. I have more clarity to my life.
I think about what I learned this year. Know thyself. Go towards that. Who cares what other people think.
I want to be an artist.
Page from my current sketch book.
I have had this on and off relationship with art. This past year made me really think about it. I am 40 years old. I am going to die. We all are going to die. I really want to be an artist with the time I have left. What does that mean? I want to express myself. Not for fame, not for monetary gain, just to express myself. I want to put art on my walls that I like. That’s why I want to make art.
Sharing your art is the price for making it. Exposing your vulnerability is the fee.- Rick Rubin
I think about this quote from The Creative Act by Rick Rubin a lot. I always fear this. This is one of those unique things that I cannot get away from. The ridicule or disapproval of my art has always been my biggest fear. Now is the time to face it.
I’ve never had this feeling in Jiu Jitsu or language learning. I’ve never associated those activities with me. It is just a skill that I do. If I am awful at it, it’s not a big deal. But with art or drawing. When ever I share this with an audience, I truly feel like I am bearing my soul. If people dislike it or make fun of it. They are doing that to me. That is the vulnerability of art. Despite, that is the feeling I get. I still want to make art.
How do I learn art?
I’ve been reading and taking notes on James Gurney’s book
I am an art school drop out. I am proud of that label. My favorite artists are art school drop outs; Dave Choe, James Gurney, Joe Bluhm, and many more. I dropped out of art school because they didn’t teach fundamentals. They taught abstract concepts that involved art. Which was good, but I wanted to make strong work. Now I know that fundamentals in drawing was what I need and want to continue to make art. I didn’t know that at the time. So how do I learn fundamentals in 2-d representational drawing? In my amateur opinion, an old school atelier. For example, Watts Atelier in Encinitas, California. They teach representational drawing with busts, casts, figure drawing in several mediums. This is something that I wanted to do for a long time. At the current moment, I do not have the funds or resources to make that move.
The alternative approach is that I teach myself. Which is the harder route. Without a mentor or guide in this journey, I will be struggling for a long time. That’s why I always gave up before. It is really difficult to grow as an artist without a community, a nurturing community. It is possible. I’ll give you one example. I learned jiu jitsu by myself.
Jiu Jitsu
A page from an old jiu jitsu journal
I have been doing Jiu Jitsu for over 15 years. I did have teachers in Jiu Jitsu, but I did use agency to supplement my learning. I went to Jiu Jitsu camps, bought dvds, took notes, bought private lessons from instructors. I took my learning into my own hands. I can say that at this point, I am comfortable with my level. Am I unbeatable? No, of course not. Anyone can be beaten. I do have a depth of understanding and a philosophy that I feel strongly about. 10 years ago, I was hungry for knowledge and skill.
I am a brown belt. There is still so much to learn. I will not stop learning, but the hunger to beat people has left me. I suppose that comes with age. I stopped caring about achieving the rank of black belt. What matters more than that your belt color is growth, depth of understanding, and proficiency of skill.
I will not quit Jiu Jitsu, but it will not consume me as it once did. It is an excellent form of exercise and good thing to bring with you when you travel. Anne Lamott said this about writing.
I’m good at it and I like it.
It will be the same reason why I continue to do it. I will take the things from my jiu jitsu journey and apply it to art. Investment in time, money and other resources.
A page from my current jiu jitsu journal.
Conclusion
I want to be an artist. I have to teach myself. I will take the lessons from my jiu jitsu journey to become a better artist.
It is my sister’s birthday today. I would like her to wish her a Happy Birthday. I got her a gift while I was in the Philippines. I will have to remind myself to wrap it.
I got ankle surgery today. I will have to be on crutches for the next 3 weeks. I have my mom and sisters coming to help me out for the first week. What will I do for the following 2 weeks? I didn’t think about that. I just realized that I do have a lot of hobbies. I’m improving my Spanish. I’m learning Portuguese. I draw and paint. I also picked up learning the guitar. I have a lot to do. I would include blogging, but I don’t do this as frequently as I would like.
I would like to write more but let’s just get started.
I never remembered this week when I was in school. I’m glad we have it. It makes my grateful that I have this job. It also makes me reflect on the people that have affected my life.
This time of year is bitter sweet. It is sweet because I enjoy the end of the year and I look forward to summer. It is bitter because of the finality of possibly never seeing my students again is depressing. Why? I will have no idea how their story will continue. I want their journey to be successful and enjoyable. I suppose that’s what makes teachers naive. That’s what make me naive. I’m a sap. I got into this profession thinking that I can make a positive impact on every student that I encounter. In reality, after they leave your classroom, their life is entirely out of your control. Their journey will be filled with the ebb and flow of life. I have no control over it after they leave my classroom.
The big takeaway from this week is gratitude. I really don’t expect anything from my students. I’m glad they got me stuff, but I treat all of them as I would like to be treated.
I’m a first year third grade teacher. I have a few boys that constantly argue and antagonize each other. They never get classwork done because they constantly have conflict. Their compliants are petty and tattle tale on each other everyday. One time Jim (psydonym) was telling me that the girls were passing notes to each other. I thought to myself, that’s not worth telling a teacher about. I’m glad they are writing to each other though. Third graders are still at the age where they will write to each other. Once they get a cell phone, all they will do is text. This gave me an idea. What if I made those boys that tattle tale on each other write their compliants to me on post its or sheets of paper.
I tried it today. I made boys that never write in class, write their compliants and gripes. When they brought it to me, I corrected their grammar usage and punctuation. Jim wrote “making fun Steve and Matty about brokn fence.”
I asked Jim, ” Who is making fun of you?”
“Steve and Matty.”
Put the subject in front of the sentence.
I told him to rewrite the sentence as “Steve and Matty are making fun of my broken fence.”
Jim fixed it. I got four boys to write formal complaints about each other.
You might say I made them go “Karen on each other.”
I have to trick my students into practicing handwriting and compositional writing. This was absolutely worth blogging about. It’s the little wins at this job that I have to appreciate.
I feel that my Spanish is at a basic level, some would say intermediate. I feel that I am still not at a comfortable level. maybe I will never get there. I feel that my level and understanding and use of the language is still broad. I can communicate. I can comprehend spoken converstation. If something is too complicated, I can get the gist of it. That’s not good enough. My goal is precision. I want to be able to use the language with precision and accuracy.
I don’t think I will attain the proficiency I desire by just passive listening and reading. I think to reach the next level, I will have to study and improve with small increments. Eventually, along the way I will begin to dream in this language. Then I can maybe slow down and passively learn, like English.
I think, we, as learners learn what we want to learn. Ultimately, the student will put in the majority of the work towards mastery.
Also, those AI generated featured images are too attractive. I want to give you the reader real images of my life. If no one reads this, I want to give my future self real images of my life.
Siento que mi español es de un nivel básico, algunos dirían intermedio. Siento que todavía no estoy en un nivel cómodo. tal vez nunca llegue allí. Siento que mi nivel y comprensión y uso del idioma aún es amplio. Puedo comunicarme. Puedo comprender la conversación oral. Si algo es demasiado complicado, puedo entenderlo. Eso no es suficiente. Mi objetivo es la precisión. Quiero poder utilizar el idioma con precisión y exactitud.
No creo que alcance el dominio que deseo simplemente escuchando y leyendo pasivamente. Creo que para alcanzar el siguiente nivel tendré que estudiar y mejorar con pequeños incrementos. Con el tiempo, en el camino empezaré a soñar en este idioma. Entonces tal vez pueda reducir el ritmo y aprender pasivamente, como el inglés.
Creo que nosotros, como estudiantes, aprendemos lo que queremos aprender. En última instancia, el estudiante hará la mayor parte del trabajo para dominarlo.
Además, esas imágenes destacadas generadas por IA son demasiado atractivas. Quiero regalarle al lector imágenes reales de mi vida. Si nadie lee esto, quiero darle a mi yo futuro imágenes reales de mi vida.
The hardest part of writing is not the writing, it’s the sitting down to write. I heard that from somewhere.
The past weekend I was studying Spanish everyday. It felt good to be consistent and come back to a goal of improving on a skill. This is incredibly easy when I don’t have outside stresses or responsibilities. How do you continue towards your goals when you’re tired and exhausted from your day job?
I suppose that is the hardest part. Cultivating discipline.
La parte más difícil de escribir no es escribir, es sentarse a escribir. Escuché eso de alguna parte.
El fin de semana pasado estuve estudiando español todos los días. Se sintió bien ser consistente y volver al objetivo de mejorar una habilidad. Esto es increíblemente fácil cuando no tengo estrés ni responsabilidades externas. ¿Cómo continúas hacia tus objetivos cuando estás cansado y agotado de tu trabajo diario?
Supongo que esa es la parte más difícil. Cultivando la disciplina.
I really don’t like listening to people complaining. Who does? Since this is my blog. I’m going to complain, but I will try to propose a solution to my problem. Currently, I’m in my 2nd quarter of my 1st full year teaching third grade elementary. This is the hardest job I have ever had. The task is impossible to do with 100% accuracy. Only people who have had actual experience as a classroom teacher knows this. I have to lesson plan, differentiate assignments, accommodated special needs/dyslexic students, communicate with parents, manage behavior, grade work, hand work back, input data for the district, make sure my students feel safe and appreciated in the classroom, and so much more. It is overwhelming and insurmountable. Maybe because this is my first year doing this. I should probably give this an honest try.
I do believe in the fight against illiteracy. I believe being illiterate is one of the worst things that a human being experience. I have to fight against that everyday I am in school. Most of my students can read. Can they read well? No. They need to read better. They need to read to synthesize. Synthesize means to connect and combine to create new ideas. This is higher level. Reading to memorize facts and dates is meaningless unless they will play Jeopardy.
Handwriting
I’m going to focus on cultivating my students to have better handwriting. My plan is to make a writing journal for common sight words. They will practice writing legible words. Not beautiful, but legible. Handwriting can promote literacy and reading comprehension.
Several things I want to focus on.
to light on paper (not dark enough, press harder)
not touching baseline ( concentrate on making letters touch baseline)
not legible( words are messy, concentrate on making letters that are legible)
words not taking the entire line( concentrate on using the entire line when creating sentences or repeating words)
This has been a tough week of teaching third grade. Have I mentioned that this is the hardest job I have ever done? Well, it is. I think I want to try high school art teacher before I leave the profession entirely.
What makes this job so difficult? I think it is the different personalities that all go to public school. The wide range of economic backgrounds, family structure, cultural behavior, language, social media influence, and a growing individual who doesn’t know who they are and why they are alive. I had a friend told me that I would be a recruit division commander in Navy boot camp. I never wanted to do that job. I know why she said that now. I also know why my RDC’s hated their job.
So I made some dictionaries for my third grade class. Bookmaking on a Friday night was very enjoyable. Are my students going to notice the craftsmanship? Are my students going to appreciate the effort? Are my students going to lose it? Probably no, no and yes. Regardless, I enjoyed making it, and it gave me an idea to make a book of all their writing as an end of the year gift for my students.
Espanol
Esta ha sido una semana difícil para la enseñanza de tercer grado. ¿He mencionado que este es el trabajo más difícil que he hecho jamás? Bueno, lo es. Creo que quiero probar como profesora de arte en la escuela secundaria antes de dejar la profesión por completo.
¿Qué hace que este trabajo sea tan difícil? Creo que son las diferentes personalidades las que van a la primaria pública. La amplia gama de orígenes económicos, estructura familiar, comportamiento cultural, idioma, influencia de las redes sociales y un individuo en crecimiento que no sabe quiénes son ni por qué están vivos. Un amigo me dijo que sería comandantes de reclutas en el campo de entrenamiento de la Navy. Nunca quise hacer ese trabajo. Ahora sé por qué dijo eso. También sé por qué mis RDC odiaban su trabajo.
Así que hice algunos diccionarios para mi clase de tercer grado. Hacer apuestas un viernes por la noche fue muy agradable. ¿Mis alumnos notarán la artesanía? ¿Mis alumnos van a apreciar el esfuerzo? ¿Mis alumnos van a perderlo? Probablemente no, no y sí. De todos modos, disfruté haciéndolo y me dio la idea de hacer un libro con todos sus escritos como regalo de fin de año para mis alumnos.
Es importante para reflejar en tu día. ¿Cómo puedo mejorar mis estrategias y maneras para enseñar? ¿Qué paso en mi día hoy? Una cosa era que mis estudiantes estaban confuso con cuál es el libro de escritura y leyendo.
Esta noche, he hecho “covers” por las libretas. Ojalá que ayude el proceso de transición de un tema de otro tema.
Este trabajo es lo más difícil trabajo he tenido
It is important to reflect on your day. How can I improve my teaching strategies and ways? What happened in my day today? One thing was that my students were confused with which book to write and read.
Tonight, I made “covers” for the notebooks. Hopefully the transition process from one topic to another topic helps.
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