blog – markmagpusao.com

August 23, 2025

Sharing your art is the price for making it. Exposing your vulnerability is the fee.- Rick Rubin

Despite that I am bedridden and non-ambulatory, I am in good spirits. Why? I have my whole life ahead of me. I WILL get better and I WILL get stronger. With age comes experience and wisdom. I have more clarity to my life.

I think about what I learned this year. Know thyself. Go towards that. Who cares what other people think.

I want to be an artist.

I have had this on and off relationship with art. This past year made me really think about it. I am 40 years old. I am going to die. We all are going to die. I really want to be an artist with the time I have left. What does that mean? I want to express myself. Not for fame, not for monetary gain, just to express myself. I want to put art on my walls that I like. That’s why I want to make art.

Sharing your art is the price for making it. Exposing your vulnerability is the fee.- Rick Rubin

I think about this quote from The Creative Act by Rick Rubin a lot. I always fear this. This is one of those unique things that I cannot get away from. The ridicule or disapproval of my art has always been my biggest fear. Now is the time to face it.

I’ve never had this feeling in Jiu Jitsu or language learning. I’ve never associated those activities with me. It is just a skill that I do. If I am awful at it, it’s not a big deal. But with art or drawing. When ever I share this with an audience, I truly feel like I am bearing my soul. If people dislike it or make fun of it. They are doing that to me. That is the vulnerability of art. Despite, that is the feeling I get. I still want to make art.

How do I learn art?

I’ve been reading and taking notes on James Gurney’s book

I am an art school drop out. I am proud of that label. My favorite artists are art school drop outs; Dave Choe, James Gurney, Joe Bluhm, and many more. I dropped out of art school because they didn’t teach fundamentals. They taught abstract concepts that involved art. Which was good, but I wanted to make strong work. Now I know that fundamentals in drawing was what I need and want to continue to make art. I didn’t know that at the time. So how do I learn fundamentals in 2-d representational drawing? In my amateur opinion, an old school atelier. For example, Watts Atelier in Encinitas, California. They teach representational drawing with busts, casts, figure drawing in several mediums. This is something that I wanted to do for a long time. At the current moment, I do not have the funds or resources to make that move.

The alternative approach is that I teach myself. Which is the harder route. Without a mentor or guide in this journey, I will be struggling for a long time. That’s why I always gave up before. It is really difficult to grow as an artist without a community, a nurturing community. It is possible. I’ll give you one example. I learned jiu jitsu by myself.

Jiu Jitsu

I have been doing Jiu Jitsu for over 15 years. I did have teachers in Jiu Jitsu, but I did use agency to supplement my learning. I went to Jiu Jitsu camps, bought dvds, took notes, bought private lessons from instructors. I took my learning into my own hands. I can say that at this point, I am comfortable with my level. Am I unbeatable? No, of course not. Anyone can be beaten. I do have a depth of understanding and a philosophy that I feel strongly about. 10 years ago, I was hungry for knowledge and skill.

I am a brown belt. There is still so much to learn. I will not stop learning, but the hunger to beat people has left me. I suppose that comes with age. I stopped caring about achieving the rank of black belt. What matters more than that your belt color is growth, depth of understanding, and proficiency of skill.

I will not quit Jiu Jitsu, but it will not consume me as it once did. It is an excellent form of exercise and good thing to bring with you when you travel. Anne Lamott said this about writing.

I’m good at it and I like it.

It will be the same reason why I continue to do it. I will take the things from my jiu jitsu journey and apply it to art. Investment in time, money and other resources.

A page from my current jiu jitsu journal.

Conclusion

I want to be an artist. I have to teach myself. I will take the lessons from my jiu jitsu journey to become a better artist.

August 21st, 2025

Update on my life.

It is my sister’s birthday today. I would like her to wish her a Happy Birthday. I got her a gift while I was in the Philippines. I will have to remind myself to wrap it.

I got ankle surgery today. I will have to be on crutches for the next 3 weeks. I have my mom and sisters coming to help me out for the first week. What will I do for the following 2 weeks? I didn’t think about that. I just realized that I do have a lot of hobbies. I’m improving my Spanish. I’m learning Portuguese. I draw and paint. I also picked up learning the guitar. I have a lot to do. I would include blogging, but I don’t do this as frequently as I would like.

I would like to write more but let’s just get started.

10 de noviembre de 2024

I really don’t like listening to people complaining. Who does? Since this is my blog. I’m going to complain, but I will try to propose a solution to my problem. Currently, I’m in my 2nd quarter of my 1st full year teaching third grade elementary. This is the hardest job I have ever had. The task is impossible to do with 100% accuracy. Only people who have had actual experience as a classroom teacher knows this. I have to lesson plan, differentiate assignments, accommodated special needs/dyslexic students, communicate with parents, manage behavior, grade work, hand work back, input data for the district, make sure my students feel safe and appreciated in the classroom, and so much more. It is overwhelming and insurmountable. Maybe because this is my first year doing this. I should probably give this an honest try.

I do believe in the fight against illiteracy. I believe being illiterate is one of the worst things that a human being experience. I have to fight against that everyday I am in school. Most of my students can read. Can they read well? No. They need to read better. They need to read to synthesize. Synthesize means to connect and combine to create new ideas. This is higher level. Reading to memorize facts and dates is meaningless unless they will play Jeopardy.

Handwriting

I’m going to focus on cultivating my students to have better handwriting. My plan is to make a writing journal for common sight words. They will practice writing legible words. Not beautiful, but legible. Handwriting can promote literacy and reading comprehension.

Several things I want to focus on.

to light on paper (not dark enough, press harder)

not touching baseline ( concentrate on making letters touch baseline)

not legible( words are messy, concentrate on making letters that are legible)

words not taking the entire line( concentrate on using the entire line when creating sentences or repeating words)

El 9 de julio de 2023

¿Si lo sería mi último día vivo en este mundo que yo debería hacer?

Es un pensamiento que he pensado hoy. Me gustaría hacer jiu-jitsu. Haría reír a alguien. Haría algo que tenga miedo. Haría aprender algo nuevo. Haría comer algo rico. Daría un paseo. Haría un abrazo a alguien. Haría leer mi cuento de niños favorito. Haría bailar a mí mismo o con una pareja. Haría aspirar aire fresco. Escucharía a la historia de un extranjero.

No es una lista exhaustiva, pero es una lista básica.

Nuevo Vocabulario

Mi rutina cotidiana

Hoy voy a escribir por 15 minutos. Yo escribo cada día en inglés por 15 minutos también. Creo que mis escrituras en inglés han mejorado.

Mis notas por todas las palabras que yo no sé.

Mi rutina en mi dia normalmente. Me despierto a las cuatro de la mañana. Yo escribo en mi diario por 15 minutos. Yo bebo maté. Me preparo para enseñar mi clase de jiu jitsu a las cinco y media de la mañana. A veces yo llego temprano y hago ejercicios como burpees. Usualmente repaso la lección y hago notas que necesito recordar y enfatizar. Después de mi clase, yo limpio el suelo por mi mismo o con uno de mis alumnos. Yo cierro la academia y llegó a mi apartamento. Preparo ir a la universidad. Usualmente, esta rutina es por tres días de mi semana. Pero yo despierto a las cuatro cada dia y hago ejercicios como correr un poco.

Ahora mismo, leo un libro, Creatividad, S.A., de Ed Catmull. Tengo que leer muchas veces para entenderle. Tengo el libro en audible, pues,yo escucho mientras yo sigo las palabras que el orador habla.

Ojalá esa técnica pueda ayudar a mi escritura. Necesito memorizar las reglas de los tiempos y como usar los. Hasta mañana.

First Few Weeks at Sam Houston

This is my post about the first few weeks at Sam Houston State University. It is a little daunting to finally be at a university. So far I am enjoying it. Although, I am not a doe-eyed 18 year old. I’m a 36 year old adult. This means that it is difficult for life to surprise me. A new place is just a new place. I’ve been nomadic for most of my adult life. I still have a lot to learn. Here are a few things that helps me settle in a new place. It takes time and patience to get accustomed to a new locale. You have to actively search and discover your new location. Find a system that works for your and constantly improve it, be it for work or school.

Blatchley Bell Tower at Sam Houston University

Adjusting to a new school in a new city will take time. I still live in Spring, Texas so I don’t have too much to acclimate too. There is also a campus in The Woodlands. I try to have most of my classes in The Woodlands. I have two classes at the Huntsville Campus, which is approximately a 45 minute drive from my apartment. I have 2.5 years left at Sam Houston. I have time. What does that mean? 2.5 years is a long time but when comparing it to the length of a 80 year old life, it really isn’t that long. I enjoy the Huntsville Campus. It is a beautiful green campus. I already have spent a lot of time in the library. I should draw on campus, so I will have memories and practice my drawing skill.

I think people neglect the part of knowing where you live or work. It is easy though because people only seem to drive to work, home and grocery store. I’m guilty of this as well. The search for secrets, sub cultures, or cool dive bars is my favorite part of about discovering a new place. I’ve live in Texas for 3 years and I have not really seen the state. It takes effort to search out and discover something new, especially if you don’t know what you’re looking for. I suppose you just have to keep your eyes open and be willing to experience things that could be interesting. Stay Curious.

Rules by John Cage. Still pretty good rules. They hold up.

I need a system for handling school and home life. Every semester is different. Now life is somewhat going back to normal, going to class in-person feels new and awkward. I have to organize my school work, my job, and the other things I enjoy. The main thing is time management(or Priority management as my former professor J would say). I have to make time to make sure I dedicate time to accomplish everything that will be due and the needs immediate attention. I write my weekly goals on butcher paper.

To summarize this post. I started school. I need time to adjust. I want to get to to know Huntsville, as well as Texas better. I have a process of time management which is a large paper taped to the wall.

Summer is over

On July 25, 2020 I completed my first sprint triathlon. I was apprehensive because the idea of it seemed so unsurmountable. I thought that I might as well do it before I’m too old or injured. What did I do to prepare? I didn’t train consistently. I crammed running and biking sessions six days before the event as if it were a college exam, which is never a good thing in athletics or academics. I didn’t practice my swim, a bit arrogant on my part. As a result, I gassed early in the swim because my technique was no efficient. I finished though. During the race? It was actually pretty fun, minus the swim. I knew I could do a sprint triathlon because I have done all the disciplines and distances separately before at least once in my life. The curve ball is to, do all three in a row. A sprint triathlon is roughly 550 yard swim, 12 mile bike, and a 3 mile run. I was tired during the race but I still enjoyed myself. The whole experience was an adventure. From getting up early, to staging my bike, to preparation of equipment, and my nutrition. The only negative was that I had no one to share the experience with. Will I do it again? Yeah, Sure. I feel that I should give this sport an honest try. An honest try would be one year. My next triathlon is a relay triathlon in Katy, Texas on September 5th. I will do the swim portion and my two teammates from Jiu Jitsu will do the bike and running portions.

Chemistry

I was a bit worried but completed the class with a C. It took a lot of studying to understand the material. I took the class online. The amount of individual study time was challenging. Especially without a teacher to break down the material with multiple examples. I had videos, but it is not the same. As I write this, a month and a half after I completed the class, I don’t remember a majority of the material. It is a shame that these science classes are just prerequisites. It would have been beneficial for me to be in class and learn with solid examples (chemistry pun). The take away from the experience is that I need to ask for help sooner with tutoring or email the teacher for more guidance. Repetition and constant reviewing was also something that could have helped my understanding.

Spanish 2312.

I’m just about done with my summer semester at Lonestar North Harris. I’m really disappointed with the foreign language education here in the U.S. I wish there could be an efficient way to teach students foreign languages instead of the sink or swim method. The current way of online education is very archaic. (That last sentence was an oxymoron?) I will continue learning and improving my level. I will have to find other methods. U.S. Education falls short in this aspect. I will look to polyglots to expand my level.

Water color.

I will let show my work and let this post be a baseline for my water color progress. I switched my journal to a watercolor sketchbook. By doing this, I hope to paint everyday. Hopefully.

In conclusion, this summer I completed the tasks I wanted to accomplish. I finished my first sprint triathlon. I need to be more consistent with training to become better at it. I completed my chemistry class, which was the last class I needed for my Associate’s. I will complete my Spanish class with an A. My watercolor progress has started. In my next post I will write about my fall semester at Sam Houston.

Summer 2021

My vision board. I probably will make some changes.

My plans for the summer. I just finished Spring semester at my college. I have a few more things lined up to accomplish this summer. I have to finish two more college classes, Introduction to Chemistry and Intermediate Spanish II. I want to practice watercolor consistently. I signed up for a sprint triathlon. These are my three objectives for the summer.

This would be my official last semester at Lonestar College. All I need is this chemistry class to receive an Associate’s degree. Science is not one of my strengths. I had to withdraw from chemistry in the Fall 2020 because my grades were so bad. I would like to blame the teacher or the online teaching format, but that’s nonsense. It was my fault for not putting the sufficient effort for the material. I want to be more accountable for my life and the things that happen as a result. Is this what becoming an adult means? I will do my best with the time I have. I will tell you my grade when I finish.

The second section of my summer semester is Intermediate Spanish II. Recently I was thinking of taking a break from Spanish and study another language. Although, I am not comfortable in my current level. I can travel, order, have conversations, even follow shows and movies with subtitles. I would say my level is good enough. If I’m tough on myself, which I am. I have a below average to mediocre level. I wonder if I ever will be satisfied with my Spanish level? Is there an end game with language learning or does it turn into maintenance of learned languages? Regardless of these questions. I am going to keep going. Would you rather speak 3 languages at a basic level or one foreign language at a high level? I choose the latter. The depth over breadth argument. This is a side of language learning that a autodidact beginner never really encounters until they are fully invested in their target language.

Watercolor. I always loved the feeling of the medium. Something about the freshness of how the paint and dried water mixed, which made it beautiful. If I want to get better at something I have to practice, especially without a teacher. My plan is to study the art form. So far, this is what I have discovered for me. 1. Proficient drawing skill is vital 2. I must consider composition. This means I have to frame the picture within a square that is pleasing to the eye. 3. A pencil outline is necessary for beginners. (I hate this part, it takes too much time.) I would like to post my research on this blog. I have so much more to say on this subject.

On my vision board I have a square for a triathlon. I was going to give it up. Then I thought about it. I didn’t even try. I didn’t even attempt it. Why kind of person doesn’t even attempt something to set out to do? So I’m going to do a Triathelon on July 25, 2021. I have to train, which is the hardest part. The consistency of training is the difficult. As I write this, I have less than a 30 days to prepare.

I will give everyone an update on my progress with my objectives when the summer is over. I’ll let you know my grade, and my strategies for chemistry. How I my Spanish level is doing. Once I complete my triathleon, I will give my review.

Some of the art I did from the last few months.

Thank you.

November 2020

I coached one of my students this month. She took second.

Here is my update for November 2020. It feels like I haven’t blogged in a long time. I have been so busy. I can easily forget that I have this site. I will try write every week. That is the goal. A few things that I did this last month. What I am also interested in doing this month.

Failure isn’t a necessary evil. In fact, it isn’t evil at all. It is a necessary consequence of doing something new.
Ed Catmull, Creativity Inc.

Last month. I wanted to do push harder in my statistics and chemistry class. Unfortunately I had to drop my chemistry class. I was unable to keep up with the material. First, I blame myself in my failure and effort. I could have been more diligent with asking for help, and seeking out resources. Second, I blame the format of learning chemistry online without a lab. I’m not strong in STEM subjects so I obviously need to put in more work. My statistics class is going well. I hope I will receive good marks on this class.

Language Learning

My portuguese studying has been stagnant. I may have studied 4 times a week in October. So far this month has been the same. I used to study when I got up in the morning. This is a plan didn’t work out, because I wanted to work out when I got up in the morning. This month I will continue to put in work.

My spanish studying has also been stagnant. I have been keeping up with my italki lessons. I need put in more time. I need to review more schedule and keep to it. I just finished Creativity Inc by Ed Catmull. I will now read it in Spanish. It is a really good book for anybody interested in Pixar or animation or managing/leading people.

Writing

I wanted to keep writing. So I have been free writing in my journal. Only 10 minutes a day. It is a good start for the day. I can control my thoughts and organize what I need to do for the day. I have been fairly consistent this month. I want to keep up with it and journal at the end of the day as well. I also want to blog once a week. I have a trip coming up. I will update the blog while I’m on the trip.

Drawing

I have been drawing more. I will post some of my drawings.

Jiu Jitsu

Jiu Jitsu training is my favorite thing. After all these years it still keeps me interested. Training has been going well. We are going through a butterfly guard module, which is the game I am working on. Each week is a new lesson to add to my game. I just have to pick and choose what to add and edit in my game. I find that drilling with progressive resistance is more helpful than rolling.

I traveled with some of my team members to Montrose, Colorado. It was good to get away, gather data and enjoy travel again.

Update-Last day of November.

Two week until the semester is over. I’m trying not to stress out. Pause. Take a deep breath. It’s not that serious. Do your best.

October 2020

What I accomplished for September

My top three things I was consistent with September was training Jiu Jitsu, learning Portuguese, and my school work. Training jiu jitsu is easy. It is something I really enjoy. Learning languages is also something that comes easy to for me. I keep a schedule and I try to stick with it. Every morning I wake up and learn Portuguese with Babel for 30 minutes. On Saturday and Sunday I review the words I learned for the week. I have a grammar book and verb conjugation book for reference. My classes that I feel that I’m strong in is Psychology and Math for teachers. The work is straight forward. Do the work, on time and get a grade. I’m weak in Chemistry and Statistics. I have to work harder on these subjects. Do I feel satisfied with this month? No, I can improve better.

My plan for October

Three things to improve. My level in Spanish has been stagnant. Even though I had seven italki lessons with my tutor this month. I suppose I have been keeping up with my speaking skills. There is still room to improve. I need to improve my comprehension. Chemistry and Statistics. I want to make these classes my strongest. I want to work on them everyday. Third. I lost my Covid weight. But I am still not at an optimal weight. I have to be more disciplined and go to sleep earlier and wake up earlier.

Inktober is this month. It is the month of October when artists try to draw everyday. They usually receive prompts(ideas) to draw for that day. I am never consistent with these. I tried to do it last year. This year I will try to draw more than last year.